dadgum it’s cold

December 28, 2000

Phew, the first day back to work was hell. I’ve been dragging and trying to get caught up, but I can’t get moving. I haven’t felt well during the past few weeks and my vacations haven’t alleviated anything. I don’t know what’s causing it, but I have already made an appointment with a physician. Good thing about working for a hospital, you know who the good docs are.

As much as I try to not be a typical male (I hate football and most beers..o.k.) I am one when it pertains to medical care. No one wants to get bad news do they? That’s what keeps most of us away. We think we are this John Wayne-esque robot that can’t get sick & has to be the provider, but you know what it’s true. I am a borderline workaholic and I hate being away for a day. I hate being sick and I hate taking time off. I had to take time off this month so I wouldn’t lose it. Now I’m going to have to take time off to see a doc, gets tests ran, etc. I also need to get my eyes checked, damn eye strain from looking at a monitor for 8 hours….or at least I hope that is the problem. Plus, the Jeep needs to be serviced. I need a clone, with my blood type, good design skills, and a payroll. It’s hard to keep my humor in all of this, but then again this time last year I was neck deep in Y2K mung. There would have been no way to do anything I’m having to now, way back in December 1999.

I’ve been lucky in my life, I haven’t had a major medical thingie since I was a kid. Scarlet Fever was the biggest thing I had, other than a few broken bones. So I’m not too sure about how I feel right now. Actually I don’t know how I feel right now. I have some suspicions about what my problem is, but I don’t want to make that too public. Only you know how you feel….right? I’ve been trying to get a bit healthier in the past few months, eat better, sleep, drink lots of water, and on the outside it seems to have worked. But I don’t feel as well as I have before. In November, I had some problems with my feet, a tendon thing, and even thought I was doped up, I felt fine. Around my birthday, actually on my birthday I had a deadline on this graphic. I concentrated on the screen and worked damn hard on it. Went home with tired eyes, I was near sited. It got better, but I’m still near-sited, I don’t want to get my eyes checked before my medical visit. I think a lot of my problem is mental and physical exhaustion. I been working doggedly for the past month. I was on the go the entire time I was out of town and it wasn’t until this week that I could rest. Something is out of balance, sugar, electrolytes, karma. I don’t know what, but it will be resolved soon.

As I type this, I read a few lines back, the “eat better, blah blah” stuff. I am reminded of Denis Leary’s “No Cure for Cancer” act. Specifically about the guy (Jim Fixx) who did the jogging book, did the video and died of a massive heart attack when? When he was f-ing jogging. For me the idea of getting healthy is a personal thing, like religion and politics. If you’re happy at 230lbs then be the best you you can be. But if you’re like I was/still am, you knew that this wasn’t good. I’m doing it for more energy, and a little bit for vanity.

Vanity isn’t a bad thing is it?