lines in old aerosmith songs

March 22, 2002

there is a lot to be said about the modern medical process. decades ago, someone with my conditions would live a short life and not have the benefits of modern medicine. Now we can go to a doctor and have results within a few minutes (if they have an in-house lab) or a day. I’ve been having some problems with my energy levels and my memory. I’m guessing it’s related to my thyroid condition. I went to the doctor’s office to try a new doctor and to see what my problem is. And what makes the beginning relevant is that they had some results before I left. (Diabetes is ok, kidneys are ok, the rest I’ll find out next week). I talked to some people I trust about these things, medical professionals with thyroid conditions too, and this all sounds like my T3 levels are down.

My memory is poor right now. I’ve had to make a more defined effort to remember things like my deadlines and home matters. The side-effect of this is that I’ve been forgetting a lot of little things…remembering where I put keys, remembering names of movies, remembering just little things. It’s irritating.

I’ve also been catching myself getting angry about things I shouldn’t be angry about. This is how I felt before I went on Thyroid meds. I catch myself and calm down, the worst effect is just feeling pissed off for nothing. My whole demeanor has changed since I was diagnosed and put on meds. I was calmer, could think more clearly, and just had more energy. My energy levels are down and I’m just feeling melacholeny and lethargic about everything.

When my T3 (thyroid) levels get lower, it feels like a downward spiral. When you finally realize what the problem is, you feel trapped. Thinking about it now, when it began you just notice that people piss you off. People I work for hired me partly because of my honesty. If something is shit, they need to know. But when you work for someone who doesn’t respect any opinions except their own, you tend to get shuffled out. …screwed over….you pick the terminology, ok?

Ok, where was I?

I could tell I was starting to slip. While I wasn’t working, I could just feel that I had no motivation…I let two projects slip between my fingers and the project i was working on just sucked royally. I then started my new job. I knew my motivation was higher, but my energy was going downhill. Then my memory started to slip. I pride myself on having an almost photographic-memory. It’s not age, but my other problems were screwing up my memory. This isn’t good, when you have about 50 project meetings in your first month. Finally I could tell something was wrong, when I was getting angry over nothing….and my memory was bad…and my energy was bad….just like it was before I was diagnosed. I take thyroid medicine everyday, before I go to bed. But, I’m feeling like I did for years before I was diagnosed.

I’ve had extremely emotional outburst when I think about the time that my conditions took away from me. I saw it as normal, when I had no one to base that on. There were lost opportunities that I attribute to my conditions. But, I’m happy to have someone who understands who I am. Niki gave me the motivation to get out into the world and enjoy life. She was the one, who made me want to see what was wrong. She is the one, who I want to thank for making me see that what I saw as “wasted youth”, was actually success. I’m married, have a nice job (making more moola than some my age), and doing it all without a college degree and with various health problems.

This might seem like rambling…it is…but if you read this site to know more about me, then you’re getting just that.